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Friday, 23 January 2009

happiness.

i want to start being happy from the small things.

the way the sun shines through my black currents
the way my horse smells, or how he nickers when he see's me
the way my cat follows me everywhere, and wakes me up by tapping me on the check.
the way my dog Elvis is towards me, he's like a big brother.
winning or placing at a horse show
having a good ride,
the smell of something yummy in the oven,
a good book with Vampires & love
a warm day or
a snowy one
the sound of someone messaging you on AIM
the sound of quite
accents
hot peppermint tea
gooey chocolate
the stars on a cold night
a cat purring in your ear
holding someones hand
fun make up looks
taking a good photograph of something beautiful
the "smell" of blue berry anything
the wind & dancing in it
the way certain people just know how to make you laugh.

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

it's been one week and three days sense i've been alone. i never really noticed how alone i actually feel when your not around. my life seems so busy, so interesting, so filled with joy when we're together. i just don't notice that if i don't have you i'm alone, until you leave me. now it seems i'm stuck deciding if i should respect myself and walk away from my feelings towards you -- or walk into something that i know is going to end badly; because it always does. i know you say you've changed, thats something i've heard before, i know you want another chance, but you always through your chances away just like you throw me away. i miss you, i miss the way it feels to be with you, and the way it is when you hold me. but i don't miss the fighting, or being told how i feel, or that i don't do enough for you. i'm insecure, with no self esteem, and already don't feel not good enough. which is something you know -- yet you tell me those things. how is that love? it seems lately it's all about how you feel, what you know, what you want. have you once stopped to think about those things but for me? probably not.

it seems like people want to make my mind up for me. when it comes to you. because they care, or because that don't like you. mostly it's both of those. but they don't really see this isn't their heart, their mind, their feelings. it's mine -- and giving me an ultamatum on this is just awful. especally when i'm already feeling the way i feel. i want to go back in time, stop the fighting, stop the pain, stop everyone from hating each other. i'm so tired of the hate, the drama, the bull shit, the name calling. all of it is so draining. all i want to do these days is hide way under blankets. this may be selfish but it seems everyones so wrapped up in how they feel about me and you -- they don't stop to think how i feel about me and you.

maybe there shouldn't be an "us"... right now all i know is i'm fed up.

Monday, 19 January 2009

my scars remind me.

forever
adv.

Definition: for all time; everlasting
Antonyms: at no time, brief, never, temporary

dashfbskdbf! that's about all i can type out tonight i can't get my thoughts together. buy something red.

Thursday, 06 November 2008

Meet the mighty kittye Demitri!

My parents knew I wasn't doing anything for Halloween, which is very odd for me. So after tagging along with them all day doing things for my grammie. We stopped off at the pet store, well I found the cutest cat! He was so talkative, and playful and he was copying every movement I made. They said "No."

That night, my mom called to have me unlock the door for them. When I did they had a cat carrier held out. And she told me they had decided to get the kitty for me.

Before I did this I wanted to get to know him. so here it is; he's a sticker but he's the sweetest cat I have ever owned. He answers me, follows me, and try's to kick me out of bed. LOL!

It didn't take him long at all to settle in, and he pretty much rules my bedroom now. He has his own spot in the bed, and he purrs like a motor all night like.

However I didn't get to name him, I like his name and he comes to it which is a plus. His "ex-family" left him at the bus station. Leaving it up to the desk clerk to call the human society. How could anyone leave this sweet kitty there beats me.

Anyways; here's a picture of him.

Wednesday, 05 November 2008

read minds?

Could you imagine what it would be like if you could read someones mind? I often wonder what I'd hear, who's actually telling the truth. And when I ask someone 'what are you thinking?' if they're telling me the truth or if their telling me what they think I want to hear. I'm a very curious person and I also like the truth. I'm sure 98% of the time someones thinking something about you, you don't want to hear. But all the same I'd like to be able to read peoples mind's. I'd feel a lot more at ease. Because lately it feels like someone isn't telling me the truth, it's really bothersome.

But I guess I'll just have to sit and imagine what it'd be like to read minds. :D

SOA, tomorrow yay.